A Book to Make Me Feel Dumb

I was at the library the other day looking for some good reads. The three series I'm reading had to be requested, so I browsed with nothing particular in mind.

What do you look for when you browse books? I think the first thing I look for is a good cover. Horrible, right? "Never judge a book by its cover" and all that jazz. But that's my instinct, so I follow it.

A great thick tome catches my eye. The cover is a dolphin jumping over the eye in the pyramid symbol. OK, good cover, check. Ah, it's a trilogy all bound together: The Illuminatus! Trilogy. I love series! I glance at the review on the cover - "The ultimate conspiracy book...hilariously raunchy...the biggest sci-fi cult novel to come along since Dune." I liked Dune. Well, I liked the TV mini-series, anyway...never read the book(s). I'm not too big on conspiracy, but I like humor and I like raunch (in moderation, who doesn't?). This is it. This is the one.

I got it home and cracked it open with anticipation. It was like jumping into a lunatic's stream of consciousness. I turned back to the front of the book to read more reviews. One said it took 300 pages to begin to enjoy it, another said the reader wouldn't be able to put it down, and even Booklist said it has "all the ingredients". OK, so this was going to be a book to wade through until my powerful intellect could catch up to its smart, important message.

I trudged miserably through 80 pages - 1/10 of the book. I put it down and walked away. My ego made me go back. Surely I could make it through to at least page 301 because that's when it would start to make sense.

I ranted to my husband about the disjointedness of the book. I can't keep characters straight when one sentence is in the "present" and the next is in 1960! And what does the talking dolphin have to do with anything? Anarchists are really right-wing extremists? "Satan" is just one of the masks a being from another dimension wears? Argh!

John is intrigued. But, then again, he is much smarter than I am.

At page 150, I admit defeat. I'm just not smart enough to get a book that "oscillates between a schizoid nightmare and a psychedelic dream"(Booklist). I close the book and stack it with the others to be returned to the library.